Burlmarr uncut
Filed under Writing Journal on May 6, 2005
Tagged: Realms of the Dragons II
I’ve been watching RotD2′s Amazon.com sales rank since it officially came out this week. It has been consistently above 10,000, peaking somewhere in the 6,000s both today and on Tuesday. No reviews yet.
I have gotten some comments on the forums here, and discussion is starting to pick up with the Worlds of D&D book club. I’ve heard a couple times that the ending to my short story was a little abrupt, though for most folks, this only added to the emotion rather than taking away from the piece.
The first draft of the story had two more paragraphs at the end. They provided a resolution that relieved some of the tension built up by the climax of the story. They also provided a nice tie-in to the title. However, Phil decided that they were too cliche–and I agree–and ultimately didn’t really add anything to the story. So they were cut.
Well, as I promised earlier this week, here are those last two paragraphs from the original draft of “How Burlmarr Saved the Unseen Protector.” Enjoy.
Elder Gromann sat in the middle of the green, surrounded by village children. The spring sun shown through blossoming trees whose branches swayed in a cool breeze that swept through the Felrenden valley. It was his favorite time of the year, when life was reawakening and new things begun. It was a grand time for telling stories.
“Now gather round, children. I have a wonderful new story to tell you. You all know of Ardabad, Braeder, and Pheldaer. Well, now there is a new hero of the Ieirithyn, and this his tale. Would you all like to hear how Burlmarr saved the Unseen Protector?”
May 9th, 2005 at 9:35 am
Nice, Kameron. I have to say that I prefer that ending over the one in RotDII.
May 9th, 2005 at 9:53 am
It appears most people agree with you, though I have had at least one person say they preferred the published version.